My mind runs faster than I do.

Is there really a true definition of selfish or is it solely determined by perception and opinion? To be selfish is defined in any dictionary as placing concern with oneself or one's own interests above the well-being or interests of others. But at what point is it okay to put your self before others? What if one whose actions come off as selfish only has good intensions? Can you label someone for being selfish for how they feel? What if expressing your feelings goes against the best interest of another? Who can exactly even determine what is in someone’s best interest?

To be selfless is defined ashaving little concern for one's own interests, but how healthy can selflessness be? When is it truly time to draw the line? Is there a way that one can straddle the line between selfish and selfless and not be judged?

I ask myself these questions every day. I like to consider myself to be a selfless person because I am a people pleaser. It runs in the family, I know that, but often some label my actions or feelings as being selfish even when I only have the best intention. When is it okay to think about me first? I’m also extremely stubborn and hard on myself; I like to keep things to myself and figure it out internally on my own. When is it okay to spend more time with friends on the weekends or time at the gym? When is it okay to ask for help when it comes to my own responsibilities just to gain some of my sanity back? When is it okay to grieve over the loss of a loved one or the health of another? Especially when losing that loved one only saved them from more suffering and when worrying about another only causes that person to stress out because I worry so much. When you know someone is going through something really tough, is it selfish to vent to them about something bothering you or that happened to you even if it might worry them further? Is it fair to express your feelings towards the situation even if it might make them feel bad that you’re so upset?

Does anyone else ever have these questions or this problem? It really does suck when people want to go ahead and point fingers and label you as selfish when you, at some point, decide to be less selfless. In my experience, being selfless all the time has only led to health issues, more anxiety and more mistakes. Sometimes people need to treat themselves for all the hard work they’ve done and give themselves a break from anything that may be overwhelming them. If you don’t feel confident enough in yourself than you’ll never be satisfied no matter how many people you try to please. I’ve thought long and hard about good and silly investments now that I am making more as a nurse. I decided that if I can treat myself to anything, instead of the ‘hair & nail’ days people take for themselves, I will treat myself to a healthier lifestyle and a personal trainer to keep me motivated in times where I truly just want to give up. I could probably afford a new tattoo every once in a while too but that money is only invested and done in a few hours; fitness and a lifestyle requires long-term maintenance. May be a little pricey but who can put a cap on their health if it could prevent a big pile of expensive healthcare bills sometime down the road. That money could be put towards a larger savings for my future, but what does all that money mean if I’m not satisfied or confident in myself? I could have a large house, a fancy car and the most expensive purse but if I’m not happy than what is the point?

If you all can’t tell, I’m far from materialistic. I know when to settle and when to upgrade. I have decided that I am going to make it a huge priority and selfish when it comes to my own health because I refuse to end up like others in my family who only neglected theirs. I do not want to suffer and I’m sure my family and true friends wouldn’t want to see it either.

This post was more serious than others I have posted but it has been running through my mind a lot lately and I had to get it off my chest. Have any others ever felt this way? How did you handle it? Have you ever been yelled at for being selfish when all you wanted was a break from being selfless? My advice: Do not let anyone or anything consume you to a point where you forget who you truly are. Do not forget to love yourself before you love others and don’t be afraid to take the necessary steps to make sure you do so. If your people choose to guilt you for it, than maybe they do not have your best interest in mind… making them selfish. Your thoughts?

Be inspired. Be inspiring.

Today’s post is going to be about motivation...

 I often scroll through Facebook and Instagram and see other people who post their progress and their workouts and it gets me really motivated. I wish I saw these at home and not just on my breaks at work because it makes me want to get up and workout right then and there. I find the hardest part about dieting and working out is staying motivated especially when times get rough. I often wish I had a workout partner to train with but whenever I do go to the gym with a partner we are usually silent and working out separately until we do abdominals. When I look at profiles of other competitors and see their transformation I say to myself "that can be me... That will be me... I want that satisfaction". 

Something I have also found really helpful for motivation is the right music. I personally need the music not just playing but blaring in my ears. I mean it's worth the trade anyways, right? Ear drums in exchange for a nice figure... Not even my doctor has ever told me I have sexy ear drums so I figure... who'll notice? -- I'm already hard of hearing LOL. But on a more serious note, I've always been very passionate about music... It can set, enhance or change my mood completely. I can go from Daughtry to Nickleback, to Britney Spears and Don Omar and then I suddenly find myself dancing inbetween sets -.- working out releases endorphins that make you feel great and even though it may be tough getting there or even sticking to the workout, it's so worth it in the end. This week I am going to make it a goal to update the music on my phone for the gym... Anybody have any suggestions of artists, songs or mixes? 

Here are some pictures today that I found extremely motivating today... 

 

(So true... Never do I ever want to hear "suck in the guy" especially when I'm in a photoshoot!)

Gotta love nice set of legs and booty topped off with a flat tummy!

My parents raised me right...

MY BIGGEST motivation EVERYDAY...

A post my mother made while sharing my modeling portfolio on her Facebook.. If anyone taught me what it means to be a true fighter it's her... And if I knew she wouldn't behead me, I would post HER modeling pictures that I look at every day. Trust me when I tell you she has the finest legs any woman would die for. I love you, Mom! 

So I must ask.. What/who inspires you? I hope to in some way inspire others with a crazy lifestyle and any doubt at all. I don't always feel strong, so if I can do it than so can you... No excuses!

Administering a dose of Whoop-Ass!

Howdy Everyone! It may look like I haven’t posted in quite a long time… and in fact you are correct. The past few months have been like a Soap Opera for me and I’ve taken on many roles. Not only am I officially an EMPLOYED Licensed Practical Nurse in the Bronx, I am an RN student and have been playing “Nana” to four new puppies for the last 8 weeks.

I’ve learned a few new things about myself. Firstly, ain’t no way in hell I can get any school work done at home! If I’m in the kitchen I will immediately go back and forth to the fridge, get distracted by NCIS or Criminal Minds constantly playing on the living room T.V. or want to pet the dogs under my desk. Secondly, as easy as math comes to me, I CANNOT read it out of a text book. Doing College Algebra out of the text without someone re-showing me how polynomial fractions are done is damn near impossible, and if I try to study in my room I will put the book down and go to sleep.. It is just not happening! Third, I have always loved animals but never did I realize how much I truly love and adore them until I helped my little girl give birth and help raise them. From watching their first steps, witnessing them opening their eyes, making sure they eat on schedule and coddling them when they are fussy, I loved being “Nana”. Not many people get to experience raising puppies for 8 weeks... and BOY was it draining and a pain, but I would not exchange the experience for the world. I’m fairly confident that one day when I do have children, I will do alright. I even have an aspiration to open up an animal rescue one day... My cousin asked "why do you work in a hospital and not a animal hospital?" And my response was "because Ill want to take them all home!" It's so true, but I love to help everyone, including animals :)

Needless to say, I fell off of my fitness kick due to my obligations at home. I am up at the crack of dawn and don’t get home from work until6/6:30 with puppies to feed and clean up after and helping out around the house. I couldn’t exactly go out to the coffee shop or library either to get school work done so both school and the gym, sadly, got put on hold; HOWEVER, now that the very missed puppies have new homes, I have picked out my new competition dates for June 2014 and it gives me about 7 months to prepare. I have doubled my salary but am making a conscious effort to save up, fix my car, pay off all of my debt and eventually register to be apart of a fitness team like Team Bombshell or Team Edge! I’m going to make it a point to put myself on a strict schedule for school, work, gym, and spending time at home with my friends and loved ones. No one but me is going to get me to my goal so I need to crack down and GET’R DONE! By saving money on food every week and after my taxes I’ll finally be able to start doing things for ME which I haven’t exactly done in a while.

With help from one of my GNC/Meathead buddies, I’m going to come up with a simple diet that stays routine and less like a menu. I hate protein but I need to suck it up so I’ve looked up some awesome/simple protein recipes that are quick and easy to prepare so that I can go back to enjoying eating healthy. Muffins, cake, French toast, cereal, dessert…mmmm… I’ll feel like I’m cheating on my diet even though I’m not! My cousin/sister that lives at home with us loves to bake so maybe it’s something that we can both get into together. I’m rather excited. I don’t expect anything for Christmas since we are forfeiting gifts this year BUT if I could make a wish-list it would consist of gym compression shorts, fitness tank tops and the new mealbox/purse that 6PackBags is coming out with! 

How freaking cool do those bags look? Look just like a purse but instead is a lunch box for the day. Despite the fact that I would feel more like the woman I am growing to be, it would be so much more convenient than lugging around the huge picnic basket I had before. I’m super excited for them to release this line.

I think once taxes come out, after my car gets fixed and credit cards are paid off than I will be making some smart investments. Long story short of this scatterbrained post, I am extremely excited to have things back on track now. Biff is still that “on the go” girl but she’s now going to be more organized and focused than ever was before... So look out because this nurse is about to administer a large dose of whoop-ass!

...Ps for all of you who haven't seen my grand-pups here they are!